I dunno how I should title this entry

Hum...

You probably all know now

That one of my biggest wish

Is to everyone to be happy

To be happy of what they are

To be happy with what they have

And all this

Since a few months now

That man who used to only drop by

Where I work

Just to say hi

Now stops to have a little chat

And often asks if he may kiss me on the cheeks

You may go like OMG AND YOU LET HIM DO THAT ?!

And being all scandalized 

But yes, I do.

Why ?

First, because I know that it won't ever go any farther

As this other old dirty man who used to flirt with me wishes it would

(That second man is just creepy D8)

And second

Because I felt like it was making him a bit happier

And he confirmed it just today

By saying that he was asking for this

Because I was a pretty lady LOL.

Sounds creepy, right ?

But it actually isn't.

This man is really nice

Really polite

Really courteous 

He's willing to help everyone

Like when he's there

And that he sees that someone is alone

To fold the quilt they just washed

He will offer to help.

He will also hold the door for every woman

And those whose arms are full.

Those are only a few examples

It may not convince you

But maybe you also know that 

I can feel when someone is being genuine

Only a few meeting are necessary to me

To know that I will get along

Or not

With someone

And I know that this man

Is a nice one.

Even though he has (had ?) some drinking problems

He's now having some meeting to get over that bad habit

I must say that I'm pretty glad he took this initiative

And all by himself !

I guess that he wants to be a better person...

So that's kinda why I let him kiss me on the cheeks

Cause I know he's honest

I know he won't ask for more

And I know it's making him feel better

Even if it's only for a second.

It may not be much

But I can give him that.

I wouldn't let everyone do so

But if it makes someone feel happy

In a un-perverted way

Then

Why not ?

And yeah...

Trucy is a mean bitch

And tries to look cold to people she doesn't know

But she's actually really soft hearted, I guess...

I don't think I really can achieve happiness

Because I don't seriously think it's something I can reach

In this kind of society

But most people thinks that

It's possible for them to reach it

And even if I think they're living in some kind of dream

I don't really want them to wake up from it.

Cause they wouldn't be happy anymore

If they were seeing the world from my eyes.

I don't think most people would be able to stand it....

And this world would be even sadder....

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So I guess I'm done being emo for tonight

Or at least I try.

Anyway, 

I just watched Memento.

I watched that for the first and last time many years ago

I remember I was with my mother

At her house

When we watched it

It was on a VHS HA !

But yeah, that was around 2003-05

I don't quite remember

And I didn't quite remembered the story itself

And that's kinda funny cause

The movie itself it about a guy

Who has no short term memory

So he forgets everything

But he's looking for his wife rapist and killer

Using pictures, notes and tattoos to remember...

Or to think he remembers

Cause he actually doesn't

The movie is quite fucked up

In the way that the story is like on the reverse side

Starting at the end of the story

Ending at its beginning

But as the movie goes

You realize that what he does

Isn't what it was supposed to be

That people have been using him

And that himself used him

And his memory problem....

I think that many people probably didn't liked the movie

Because of this....

Because of how it has been made

And because it may be quite confusing

That's also the kind of things that

Makes people think that the Saw series is nothing more than gore movies

But it's not.

You just have to pay attention

To the movie

Its story

Its characters

Its details

And with every pieces

Put it in the right order in the timeline

So that it finally makes sense.

Or it is that I have a pretty analytic mind

And that I like to solve that kind of puzzles

So I like movies that makes your brain works more 

Than simply for entertainment.

I liked Se7en for that very same reason.

The Others had a little bit of it.

And that could also be why I like Dan Browns book...

I like when,

At the end of a movie

Or even a book

You feel all exited

Because things were what they seemed at the beginning

When things weren't as simple as they seemed...

And that you're being amazed by 

How they've been able to do so 

That you held your breath all way long

Just to discover that it wasn't what they made you expect.

Maybe that's just cause 

That's how real life is too...

These are also

Probably the reasons why

I feel crazy to the point of,

Once all movies have been released in DVD,

To put the whole Saw series in the right chronological order.

I think it's also because

I want people to understand the story

As I understood it

Or maybe make it more understandable

For those who haven't the patience

Or the analytic mind to do it on their own...

Maybe I just like a bit to much to make my brain work...

But at least

This way

I feel like it's being somewhat useful...

Since I'm too lazy to become a scientist...

Or a detective

Or a psychiatrist

Or whatever else it is...

Maybe the perfect job for me

Would be to become a writer...

This way

I can become whatever I want...

Transposing myself into my characters...

(Considering this, I'm quite a killer, now... LOL)

I really should kick my ass very really pretty hard

So that I could finish that story I just finally started today...

Would be my very first real novel ever.........

You know what ?

Right now

I just feel like crying, but

It's not sadness...

I think I just..... found a point to my life.

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J'ai l'impression de faire beaucoup de flash-back, dernièrement

Peut-être à cause de ma peur d'oublier ou un truc du genre, mais bon... EEEEEEEEEEEN TK, c'est pas ça que j'voulais dire XP

Je regardais les photos random que ma soeur avait mises sur son face book pis j'suis tombée sur la dernière photo de famille qu'on a prise, tous les six ensembles....
D'un sens, me semble que c'était y a tellement pas longtemps... de l'autre, j'ai tellement changé, autant physiquement que mentalement, que ça me semble comme toute une éternité...
Ça devait être en 2002 ou 2003, quelque chose comme ça.... hum... genre décembre 2002, ça aurait du bon sens, j'crois =o


Je sais pas si il padre pis la mamma vont être contents de voir ça ici, si jamais ça arrive, mais bon....
Avec ça, je sais d'où je tiens mon teint rosé XD
Pis ouin... J'étais pas encore passée par ma passe gothique, dans ce temps-là, pourtant, j'suis plus pâle que tout le monde quand même.... Pis tsé... normalement, ce sont les blonde qui sont pâle et les brunes qui bronze, mais ma soeur et moi, c'est le contraire XD Pis j,vais pas me plaindre, j'trouve pas ça spécialement plus beau une fille bronzée =\
Sinon, depuis le temps, mes parents se sont séparé, ma petite soeur avec la semi-coupe au carré est devenue une grande slack (LOL non mais sérieux o_o elle est genre de ma grandeur, masi avec comme... 50-60lbs de moins XD), les cheveux de mon frère ont POUSSÉS, j'ai changé 39472837483 fois de tête, j'ai perdu mon temps et mon argent au Cégep, ma soeur et moi avons passé le cap de la majorité (ce à quoi je crois qu'elle est 100x plus prête que moi...), j'ai developpé mon sens de l'analyse psychologique ainsi qu'une philosophie bien à moi que je tâcherai de mettre sur papier un de ces quatres (du fait même, j'ai dû devenir bizarre aux yeux de bien des gens =B), j'ai appris à être fière,dans ma façon d'agir, mais aussi de moi et de ce que je fais (ça peut paraître égocentrique, mais je crois que tout le monde devrait être fière de lui au lieu de vouloir rendre les autres fière de lui...)

Tout ça passe tellement trop vite... Plus le temps passe, plus j'oublie des trucs... C'est normal, direz-vous, puisque je vois de nouvelles choses à tous les jours et le temps passe, nous faisant oublier les moments moins importants et plus ça avance, moins il en reste.... Mais... C'est peut-être seulement qu'une impression, mais... non, j'ai vraiment l'impression d'oublier trop de chose... plus que la normale... Pis ça me fait peur.... Tellement peur.... J'veux pas en arriver à oublier ceux que j'aime....

J'voudrais tellement geler le temps pour que ce jour n'arrive jamais............








Edit : Mon dieu... J'viens tellement de pleurer oO.... ça faisait tellement longtemps que c'était arrivé pour vrai comme ça ._. ... Ça fait vraiment du bien... j'ai l'impression d'avoir laissé sortir une partie du méchant *relieved sigh*

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